


You'll Be The Death Of Me

by cloudedhearts



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Female Homosexuality, Lesbian Sex, Slash, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-11 21:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3332729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudedhearts/pseuds/cloudedhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Van Pelt and Lisbon become a couple... sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Van Pelt? Van Pelt, wake up!"

Teresa cursed when Grace collapsed on her; she pulled the rookie back up with all her strength, supporting her with both arms.

"Grace, wake up!" the petite CBI agent repeated in annoyance, shaking Van Pelt's shoulder.

"I won't carry you to the car, you're not exactly featherweight."

"Thanks, boss" mumbled the redheaded beauty, briefly opening her eyes. "God, it's bright in here," she complained.

"It's called electricity Van Pelt. Come on, we have to go", Teresa urged.

"But I don't want to," said the young woman in a whiny tone and leaned against Lisbon, who staggered.

"You gotta be kidding me" muttered the senior agent, while struggling to keep both Van Pelt and herself from falling flat on the floor. When did she become the CBI's official babysitter? Sure, she was accustomed to Jane's childish behavior, but she wasn't his boss. Therefore, she didn't feel responsible for him. Well, sometimes she did.

"Mom, I'm sorry" stuttered Grace, clearly delusional. Teresa's mouth twitched, forming a crooked smile. Not even being inebriated diminished Van Pelt's loveliness, and Lisbon decided to take advantage of her condition. She cleared her throat, patted Van Pelt's head and switched to a motherly tone.

"It's all right, honey. I'm not mad," she purred. "We have to get to the car."

"I'm tired" yawned Van Pelt, dismissing Lisbon's attempt to drag her along.

"I know, sweetheart. Do it for me, OK?", Teresa replied; a little bewildered that addressing her colleague in such way felt intimate instead of awkward. Most importantly, it had the desired effect: Grace moved at last, shambling, and Teresa sighed with relief, they wouldn't have to spend the night in a stinky bar after all.

The rookie's legs were wobbly, and so Teresa wrapped her arms tightly around her waist. They crossed the parking lot, and at some point, Grace rested her head on the CBI agent's shoulder, rubbing her nose against Lisbon's hair.

"Hmm, you smell good," she drawled, making the heat draw to Lisbon's face.

"Van Pelt, you're a mess, and this was the last time I went out with you. And for God sakes, stop smelling my hair!"

"I'm sorry. You're such a good friend, Tessa," said Grace with shining eyes. Her speech was already less slurred, and she swayed a moment before grabbing Lisbon's arm with force. "Where's my car? I parked it right here!"

"It's over there, genius," said the brunette, indulgently ignoring that Van Pelt had called her by a nickname.

Lisbon wondered what she would've done if it were Jane with her in that same situation. She would probably have slapped him, and that bastard more than deserved it.

"Give me the keys," she said when they stopped in front of Grace's blue Ford Focus after what felt like an hour walk.

"What keys?" asked Grace and giggled.

Teresa raised her eyebrows in her best boss-like manner, which didn't disconcert Grace in the slightest.

"Van Pelt, my patience has a limit."

"They were in my pocket... Hey, do you think Jane took them?" she asked, and opened her eyes widely like someone who had just discovered a well-guarded secret.

"Don't be ridiculous, not even Jane would sink that low. Keep looking, I don't want to stay here all night!"

"I found them!" Van Pelt shrieked, wiggling them in front of Lisbon's face in triumph.

"Good, now give them to me."

"No."

"Van Pelt!" Teresa called loudly and stretched out her arms, but Grace was faster.

"I wanna drive," she protested with a pout, holding the metal chain over her head, where the senior agent couldn't possibly reach it.

"Damn it Van Pelt, I don't have time to play games. Don't make me snatch them from you", Lisbon warned, her eyes shooting arrows at the drunk woman.

"Ohh, what are you going to do, having me transferred to another team?" Grace mocked.

"Van Pelt, are you making fun of me?" Teresa asked irritated when the redhead giggled even more.

"Come on boss, have a little fun" replied Grace in a tipsy voice. "You're always so serious."

Lisbon sighed in resignation and made a mental note not ever to mix business with pleasure again. That's when she tripped over Grace's feet and fell on her, pressing the young woman against the car.

"Whoops, I lost them again," Van Pelt laughed, when the chain fell down with a clinking sound. Teresa cast her a furious look, but instead of bending down and picking it up, she shifted her weight and leaned further into the redhead, moving her mouth to Grace's ear.

"This isn't over," she whispered, inhaling the scent that emanated from her young colleague's skin. Beneath the somewhat sickening mixture of the perfume and alcohol smell, Teresa could make out a scent that was purely Van Pelt's, and she felt the first stirrings of arousal between her legs.


	2. Chapter 2

Lisbon knew she was driving way too fast, adrenaline was pumping through her body and her mind was racing in synchrony with Van Pelt's car. They needed to get a good night's rest before starting another work day at the CBI headquarters, but Van Pelt was by no means in any condition to stay awake, let alone to drive. Teresa had considered driving her home herself, but it seemed more practical if both stayed at her apartment.

Generally, she would've enjoyed driving through the deserted streets, with the only noise coming from the car's engine and her protégée, who was uttering cute little snoring sounds, but this was different.

This wasn't the calm, relaxing bliss she usually felt when driving home after a long day at work.

She glanced at the passenger seat, and her heart rate rose at the sight of her sleeping colleague.

"What the hell is the matter with you?", she mentally reproached herself. "That's just Van Pelt, and she's drunk."

But the image of their bodies pressed against the car was stuck in her head, which she acknowledged with a nervous chuckle.

"I hope your taste in music is not as horrifying as Jane's," she said to herself, and reached for a random button on the dashboard.

Half an hour and many cheesy songs later, Lisbon parked in the driveway of her apartment building, glad they had made it there without any major incidents aside from a deer crossing the road.

Of course, she couldn't be more wrong.

"All right, sleeping beauty, here we are," she said and opened the door to the passenger seat.

"Boss, I..."

But the redhead didn't get to finish her sentence. Before Lisbon could react, the contents of Grace's stomach landed on her white shirt, making it stick to her skin.

"Yuck, that's disgusting!" she exclaimed, scrunching her nose in revulsion at the acid smell of Van Pelt's fluids.

She was pissed at Jane, he had left the two women alone at the bar, not even courteous enough to come up with a decent excuse for bailing on them. What was even more infuriating: he had encouraged Grace to have one drink after the other, ignoring Lisbon's furious glances and Grace's half-hearted protests. If she didn't know better, Teresa would've assumed he was aiming to seduce the young agent.

"Boss..." Grace called feebly. Damn, she had completely forgotten about her while thinking of new ways to murder Jane.

"Fuck you," she mumbled into the darkness and turned towards the girl in the car. Her anger evaporated at once, her colleague was on the verge of tears, and she looked pale, ill even.

"Oh, I didn't mean you, it's Jane I want to go and fuck himself," she said, but Grace just stared at her dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she added when Van Pelt remained silent. Giving in to an impulse, Lisbon leaned forward and cleaned the corners of Grace's mouth with her thumbs.

She paused for a moment and looked at Grace, who was still utterly confused. Before the situation got too weird, the senior agent stepped back and offered Grace her hand, which the younger woman gladly took.

"I can't believe you said fuck," said Grace while they slowly walked to the doorstep of Lisbon's apartment. "Mr. Mentalist wouldn't be very pleased," she added with an embarrassed smile.

"Mr. Mentalist?" asked Teresa with a mocking smile. "Is that what he calls himself now?"

Grace blushed heavily, and she was thankful for the darkness surrounding them.

"Yes. I mean no, that's what I call him when... Never mind," she said a little too quickly, tripped and almost took Teresa down with her.

"Careful!" hissed the senior agent, slightly amused. Van Pelt posed no real challenge, she was way too easy to read, and that's what Teresa liked most about her. Her genuine candidness, paired with just the right amount of sweetness, weren't qualities one could easily find inside the CBI; Teresa could tell men liked her. Not men, exclusively. She quickly dismissed that particular thought from her mind and made Van Pelt recline against the wall of the building, while she opened the door for them.


End file.
